My New Tattoo

Pretty Close to Where I Live

Pretty close to where I live, in this field of gay-coloured posies, I spotted a young man who I calculated to be an appropriate type of victim for my molestative advances. Previously, I had been actively -- VERY actively -- involved in the Internet-sort of pedophilic activites. That day, however, a more thorough consideration of circumstances revealed that Catholicism offers far more opportunites for boy-hole fucking than does the digital standard of yore.

I love you. Obey the collar, bitches.

Hey, Black People!

I know you're all busy spittin' game in your white tees, slangin' caine in your white tees, and engaging in all other manners of various activities in your white-colored t-shirts that are so humorously oversized, but I wonder whether you might do me a favor: Could one of you get the classic "I'm With Stupid" slogan (accompanied by that ubiquitous arrow) screenprinted on your "white tee" and wear it around the projects you live in while I'm on my way to work in the morning? You all ("y'all") give me plenty enough to laugh about already, I'll grant, with your "mean mugging" and "bored posturing", but you could definitely step it up a notch, if my unengaged desires are any indication.

Don't get me wrong, you "hard niggaz" are absolutely adorable. It's just that you could do better. Thanks in advance for your time and attention to this matter. I'm sure I'll have more soon. In the meantime, please keep up with the contemptuous glares. They're terrif. Seriously.